Can I Wear a Black Dress as Mother of the Groom?

black mother of the bride dress

Black- Would you wear it as mother of the bride?

Dear Deborah,

My son is getting married in September and I found a beautiful black dress at Nordstrom. The dress is simple and has a nice bolero jacket covering the strapless floor-length gown.  There’s some rhinestone embellishment at the empire waist but otherwise the dress is tailored and elegant.  

My problem: when people ask what I am wearing, they are shocked when I tell them the dress is BLACK.  I thought the old rules of not wearing black to a wedding no longer apply.  I asked the bride if she minds my wearing black — and she totally approves of it.  That said, I don’t want to offend the guests or send the wrong message at the wedding.   So should I shop for another dress?? 

Thank you, Mother of the Groom


First of all, congratulations on your son’s engagement!   This is such an exciting time and your sensitivity to the bride’s opinion on the color of your dress is commending.

Really, the idea of “no black” at a wedding is just old-fashioned. Black is very much accepted these days and has actually become popular in the past few years. But the biggest point you brought up is that you asked the bride her opinion in the matter.  Since she has “totally approved” as you mention, then you should put your mind at ease.  If she is supportive of the idea and this is the dress you feel comfortable in, then you should not worry about other opinions.

However, that being said, I want to remind you that you are going to want to look your prettiest that day as well.  I am curious what colors look best on you?

Mother of the Bride ebook - Fabulous After 40Most women over a certain age can find that black can be aging and bring out lines, wrinkles and dark circles. Women with fair complexions who have dark hair, grey or red hair can look stunning in black.  However, for many of us, it doesn’t seem to be our best color as we age.

To help you make a good decision, next time you are getting ready to go out and you have your make up and hair done, put on the gown and take a photo of yourself in it.  If you like the way you look in it, it is a keeper.

If you find that it drains you and makes you look tired, then you might want to consider returning it and finding one that is in a color that suits you. Good luck and keep me posted on what you decide to do!

Are going to be a Mother of the Bride or Groom?  Get help and a solid plan for getting ready for the big day! Check out my popular e-book,  Tweak Your Chic~ Secrets to Looking Fab When Your are the Mother of the Bride or Groom.

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  1. Leslie Bonner says:

    IMHO if I was at that wedding and saw the Mother of the groom wearing black I would think she were in mourning and wanted to send a message about her daughter-in-law. Sure the DIL gave a pass and some bridal parties do black and white these days but I wouldn’t.

  2. Wanda in Edmonton says:

    Black is one of my best colours. When I got married for the second time, we decided to do it at rather short notice. I was quite heavy (for me) at the time and had to go shopping. The only thing that I liked was a black straight skirt and a sleeveless black fitted top with white sequins in a stylized paisley on the front. I felt great in it and got so many compliments about the outfit. But when I tell people that “the bride wore black”, they generally raise their eyebrows. When I lost all the weight this year, that was the only piece that caused a tug at the heartstrings when I gave it away. At least it went to a younger sister who looks as smashing in it as I felt that day. Not sure how to send a photo of it, as this seems to be plain text, but if you tell me how, I will.

  3. Kimberly DeLude says:

    The dress shown is one I wore last September as the mother-of-the-bride. My daughter went with me when I had selected 3 gowns for her opinion. When I walked out with this one on, her face said it all. I felt elegant, and it looked beautiful in the pictures. BTW, I am fairskinned with medium reddish brown hair with golden highlights. Black really worked well with that!

  4. First – I LOVE the photo of the dress – very elegant. I was of the opinion that you didn’t wear black to weddings as well – old rule said that if you wore black, you were hoping for a divorce!

    That said, if the BRIDE doesn’t have a problem with it, no worries! I love the advice the Glam Gals gave you – take a picture ahead of time, see if the color ‘drags’ you down. They always give the BEST advice!

  5. I hear your advice about black and have added more color to my wardrobe but still love black. I am so glad you provided some guidance on wearing black as you age. I have dark hair and light olive skin and feel fabulous in black. I am going to try your idea of taking a picture and seeing how I really look. At just 50 I think I can still wear black – but the photo will tell.

    To the Mother of the Bride/Groom: wear it with flair. All my bridesmaids were in black (married 1989) I loved it. So elegant. Dress you picked is stunning. Have a wonderful day – forget about others. Some people at the wedding will have negative something to say regardless – it’s the flowers, it’s the colors, it’s the decorations, it’s the brides shoes…whatever. You and the Bride are in agreement. That is All that counts.