The perfect dress…if it would just fit

Today we wanted to share another cute article from our guest bloggers at Writing without Periods.  Here is Jenny’s saga of “if the dress does not fit, what then?”… ENJOY!

Adieu Perfect Dress, Until We Meet Again

by Jenny Archer

THE DRESS

Three years ago, I searched many department stores and boutiques, tried on many other dresses that didn’t measure up until I finally found it. When I slipped into it and looked into the mirror, there were no doubts in my mind. This was THE PERFECT ONE. It was love at first sight. We were made for each other. We complemented one another in every way — our shapes, our coloring. THE DRESS was simple and comfortable. Beautiful. I took a deep breath before I wrote the check. I had never paid as much for a piece of clothing. But I decided it was worth every penny.

A couple of weeks later, I wore THE DRESS to a ceremony where I was a finalist for a writing award. I required no Spanx that night. The PERFECT ONE fit like a glove. I didn’t win the award, but I still looked and felt like a winner, thanks to THE DRESS. I went home, had it cleaned, and put it away in the back of my closet to await another occasion worthy of its class.

That event occurred last month in Washington D.C. I packed THE DRESS carefully for the trip, treating it with the reverence it deserved. I packed my Spanx, too, since I was pretty sure I had gained a pound or two over the last 3 years.

On the night of the event, I wiggled into my Spanx, took THE DRESS off the hangar, slipped into it. Reaching behind me, I pulled the zipper up to my waist — that’s where it stopped. I needed help. I asked my roommate to zip it the rest of the way. She tugged the sides of the bodice together in back, tugged harder, said, “I’m afraid I’m going to break the zipper if I pull it hard enough to close it.” Another tug, then she added, “I don’t think it WILL close.”

The "other" dress

“Ohmygod!” I shrieked. “Have I gained weight in my back?” Reality check: If I couldn’t zip up while wearing the Spanx, I had gained more than a couple of pounds over 3 years time. That didn’t bother me as much as the realization that I would not be wearing THE DRESS that night. I hadn’t brought another dressy frock, so I had to wear this one, which is funky and fun, but I was a bit casual for the occasion.

Oh, well. When I was 14, my junior high homemaking teacher taught me that when it comes to fashion, a woman can get by with just about anything by following this simple rule of three: “Sit up straight, hold your shoulders back, and stick out your personality.” So that’s what I did.

My perfect dress and I will share another special night. That is a promise. I love it too much to let it go forever. (Besides, it was too damn expensive to only wear once!) I read an article today written by somebody supposedly in the know who said it’s a fallacy that women gain weight as they age because of hormonal changes. Said person in the know claimed that the weight gain is due to the fact that we become less physically active, and that by exercising and eating sensibly, middle aged and older women can maintain their slim figures.

I’m putting the expert to the test: I found that Yoga video and pulled it out, dusted it off, and soon it will make its way into the old VCR. And I’m trading in my almost-nightly glass of red wine for Mary’s Mellow Mellow.(Find recipe here) When I am able to zip that zipper again, I’ll post a photo of me in the dress, but please don’t hold your breath. It might take awhile!

Thanks Mary and Jenny  for your fun take on another common fashion dilemma! Also be on the lookout for more of their witty antics, since they are now officially members of  our weekly  Blogging Boomer Carnival!

Welcome aboard!

JoJami and Deborah