When her undies are showing, do you let her know?
Jenn, writer and blogger
Here’s an embarrassing problem that fellow blogger Jenn Archer (one of the two funny gals over at “Menopause Musing”) wrote about.
Have you ever been in this situation?
Read on and let us know what would you do? Here’s what Jenn wrote:
I (Jenn) was at a writer’s conference recently and while walking through the hotel lobby, I saw a 40-50-ish woman walking ahead of me with a thong sticking out of the top band of her slacks. Writers tend to sit a lot, and this particular one looked as if her backside hadn’t been out of a chair since the eighties. But as if the sight of a thong showing above her broad, lumpy butt wasn’t bad enough, this clueless bookworm had tucked her shirt into her pants and INTO THE TOP OF HER THONG. Are you getting the picture? HER SHIRT WAS TUCKED INTO HER THONG! Could she have possibly MEANT to do this?
My first instinct was to stop her and tell her, just in case this was a fashion faux pas on her part rather than an unfortunate fashion statement. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. She was a stranger and I didn’t want to embarrass her. And she had a friend with her. I told myself that the friend would be behind her at some point, see the thong and tell the other woman. But what if she didn’t see for a long time? If I had stopped her, I might have spared the woman added humiliation. (And spared hundreds of other poor souls from the horrible sight!)
I regret my decision to walk on by. If it had been me with my undies sticking out, I hope someone would’ve told me, even if it is someone I don’t know. (And I hope my friends would tell me to ditch the thong!) We women have to look out for each other. Consider it a sisterhood.
So…two questions: (1) Would you have told the woman? And (2) Would you rather someone you don’t know tell you your undies are showing, or would that embarrass you even more than finding out at the end of the day when you undress?
Well, I don’t know if I would have told her, but I certainly wouldn’t have thought snide things about her “broad, lunpy butt.” I mean, really. When are we going to stop ridiculing each other?
The factor here is that she had a friend with her. IF she had been alone then I would have told her. But the friend should tell her. So don’t get hard on yourself. I would have done the same thing
Hi Kristin,
You guys are all so sweet and protective! This article is written in a very different “tone” than we usually have on Fabulous After 40. Jenn (the writer-our fellow blogger) meant it to be humorous and not to be taken too seriously…however, it is an interesting point to ponder and one that I have had to think about every now and then. I ( JoJami) had a women come up to me just this week and point out that my bra was peeking through the back of my dress.
(I was getting dressed at the gym and she was watching me put my make up on and then came up to me very quietly and tucked my bra in for me.)
Boy, I did appreciate it!
Thanks for your comments, yes, we need to be supportive of our fellow over 40 friends and not make fun of them!!!~JoJami
You seem more comfortable making fun of someone behind their back than helping. What does the size or shape of her rear end have to to with anything? I would quietly tell her. I would hope someone would tell me and spare me even further embarrassment. I would also hope they would keep unkind thoughts about me to themselves.
I wouldn’t have said anything. Unless she was going to be SPEAKING in front of all those people:).
I would want to be told, and then I would laugh about it. I also think I would tell the woman.
I had a similar incident years ago, when a woman stopped me in the corridor prior to my entering a class of teenagers, to let me know that I had a long strip of toilet paper attached to my shoe.
I was mortified, but soooo glad she told me, as I would have been far more mortified to step in front of the class with two feet of toilet paper streaming behind!
So I say tell them – gently.
I am not 100% sure of myself but without a doubt, I want to be told. Given that, yes, from now on, I will try my very best to tell discreetly. I also think it depends on the situation too. For example, I would definitely tell in a gym or any small group situation and I think that has got to do with ‘familiarity’ of the person or place if this make sense. In any ‘public’ areas like a hotel lobby, I think there is definitely a bit of a resistance purely for not wanting to embarrass both the other person and yourself.
I sat behind a woman at a conference and noticed the tag on her shirt sticking out. Thinking I was doing her a favor, I gently put my hand on her back and tucked it in. She jumped and grabbed at her neck, and then I noticed she was wearing a wig, which she had jostled a bit, and it was now crooked. I decided I’d helped enough.
But, I would want someone to alert me to an underwear disaster.
Hi Cindy, Cate, Mindy, Sher, Lisa and LPS,
You all make a good points…it is certainly easier to tell a friend discreetly about the problem, but telling a complete stranger in a public place can be trickier. The Golden Rule is a good one to apply: Do to others what you would want others to do to you. That will probably mean different things to different people! I’m more comfortable talking to women about things like this, but others are more private. No matter, it is a topic we don’t discuss much, so it is interesting to hear how others feel!
~JJ
Yes, tell her! (Yes, please tell me!).
I am sure I would tell and I would want to be told if it was me. Years ago I remember in our local newspaper, a photo was taken (and published) of a poor girl walking along the high street with her dress tucked into her underwear. Can you imagine how she must have felt and what kind of a person took the photo and then printed it?! Other than this she was beautifully dressed for summer.
So never mind the size of her butt, let’s have some solidarity here ladies.
Oh, yes, I agree. Please tell me ( but in a quiet gentle way).
I remember once a bought a gorgeous new winter coat. I slipped it on, walked out the door and felt like a million bucks all day…until I got home, and noticed it had a big bold pricetag dangling from the back of my collar! And nobody told me! ……Sometimes you just have to laugh.
~Deborah
Hi Travil Oma,
LOL!! Your story takes the cake!! Thanks for the giggle!!!
I don’t think many women really care what’s showing. Underwear, Lumpy butts, flabby arms, cheesecake thighs, — it’s all good. If it’s offensive to your sensibilities, too bad!
I am a do tell and a want to be told type. I think we owe it to each other as humans. If it is someone who doesn’t appreciate it…too bad. Most people laugh or say thanks. I always inform them before touching them tho……..to tuck their tag or get the big ball of lint from their back…whatever. If it’s underware, I’ll whisper in their ear.
Hi Garnet,
As to your comment, good point about warning them that you might touch them.
You know, all these comments are interesting… I’m thinking I could do my own version of Over 40 Candid Camera, and walk around one day being video taped by a secret camera, with my thong hanging out and my shirt tucked inside it and see who tells me or who doesn’t!
~JJ
I agree that the blogger was being humorous and not mean when describing the thong issue. I would want to know and I would not care if it came from a stranger……BUT let’s take this one step further, a maybe late 50′s or 60-ish woman passed by me as I was sitting down and she was wearing all white (nice cool summer outfit) – the capri pants she had on were a little on the thin side and although you could barely see her panty lines, I got a great view of the “poise-type pad” she had on…..I could not bring myself to say anything. The woman did not appear to be with anyone and we were in offices, so not to much could have been done about the situation.
I think people are not taking this article in the spirit it was written in. Jenn was actually worried about the woman. To be honest, I don’t care how people describe my butt. I mean, after 45 I don’t care what people say about me…I know who I am. And my butt is lumpy and broad…I’ve earned it. Also this is a fashion blog. Even if I’m a little lumpy I still want to look nice and fashionable.
The a blog for women fab at 40. Aren’t we over that stance of “Oh, she made fun of me or she made fun of my best friend. Words are only words.
I don’t have a flabby bottom, but if I did, so what? The blog is funny and makes me realize I should look in the “rear view” mirror once in a while.
Pantyhose with a skirt tucked into the back of them, I would tell. What Jenn described, I don’t know if I would or not, I’d have to be there.
I don’t think this blog was mean-spirited at all! I think it was humorous, and presented a genuine concern for the subject of debate.
Want to talk about lumps and bumps? Having no room to talk myself in that particular area, I witnessed a woman going to check her mail at a community mailbox while in her thin, polyester “waltzing” type nightgown, and while I can say she didn’t have panty lines, the phrase ‘two-cats in a paper sack’ came to mind. I wanted to shout “Wear a robe for pete’s sake!” But I didn’t.
I am on the “yes, tell her and yes, tell me” side.
Depends, I guess. If she were my friend, I definitely would tell. But if not, I’d probably think twice. Some women apparently mean to have their thongs seen peeking from their pants or to have their bra strap showing. Unfortunately, these end up being fashion faux pases rather than statements. If their intention was to make a fashion statement, they may feel that it is none of your business telling her how she should carry her clothes so that calling her attention, even if subtly, may end up annoying her and embarrassing you. But I guess it is a different case altogether when it comes to her fly being open her blouse button unbuttoned or her mascara all smudged or a price tag sticking out of clothes. These are clearly unintentional. In these cases, I’d like to be told!
I wouldn’t have had the nerve to say something to her and one reason is I think “some” (not all!) women intentionally like their thong showing above their jeans thinking it looks sexy. When you get dressed in the morning, I’m sure you take a look in the mirror or bend down to put your shoes on or lace them up, whatever. I don’t know about other women, but I KNOW when my butt crack or underwear is showing because when I get dressed in the morning, I bend down to test and see. Or, my husband will tell me and I’ll change. Even if you live alone, I think you can tell….
I also don’t understand why some ladies choose to put on colored panties under white pants. But that’s another topic.
you ALWAYS let a lady know, just like you let a lady know if her slip is showing.
Just because the men have forgotten how to treat us doesn’t mean we need to.
You let a lady know if her bra is showing, or if her tag sticks out of her clothing. If she has lipstick on her teeth, and absolutely if she’s got the dreaded “red stain”. If I can pull my army drill sergeant aside for this one, you could have let that woman know her underwear was showing. I’m actually a bit appalled you didn’t.
–a woman with a lot of junk, and thongs for days, with a man that loves every lump.